At Halloween, I’d start with the Mary Janes and Twizzlers, make my way through Hershey bars and M&Ms, and end with Snickers and Reese’s Cups.
At Christmas, I relished playing “Santa,” passing out presents so everyone else opened theirs before I opened mine.
At Easter, I ate the weird-tasting red jellybeans first before the delicious pink, yellow and green and only then move to the chocolate bunny. (The black jellybeans went straight to my Mom. They were too gross even for me, Delayed Gratification Girl.)
I was the kid who did homework before going out to play so I could watch TV in the evening. I was the college student who turned her thesis in 3 weeks early so the end of the semester would be a little easier. As an editor at a textbook publishing house, I was the one in the office on Saturday so Monday wouldn’t be so stressful.1
My whole life, Now Me and Future Me have had a tight relationship.
Now Me is almost always looking for a way to make things better for Future Me and this tendency has largely stood me in good stead. I got good grades and approval from parents, teachers and bosses. I checked things off the list, didn’t procrastinate and turned stuff in early. I got promoted (and then got more to do). In a Get ‘Er Done hustle culture, I was crushing it.
But lately, there’s some tension between Now Me and Future Me. Future Me is turning into an entitled jerk.
Because here’s the thing: the chores and the work and the stuff I don’t love never gets done. There is an endless supply of metaphorical Mary Janes. Sometimes I feel like I never get to the Snickers.
And Future Me who I’m always looking to make things easier for? She inevitably becomes Now Me...who is looking to make things easier for the next Future Me.
Future Me is a mirage: a wavering figure on the horizon urging me to do what I forecast will benefit her. When I get there, when Future Me becomes Now Me, sometimes it’s true. I am relieved that Past Me thought ahead and I got the dinner made or the bag packed or the post written.
Over time, though, if I’m always focusing on Future Me, she starts acting like a spoiled brat, standing on that hazy horizon with her arms crossed tapping her foot. “Don’t do that thing you want to do. Don’t eat that chocolate or read your book in the afternoon or rest,” she says. “Do what will help me.”
So we needed an intervention. I sat down with Now Me and Future Me and I said,
“Look, darlin’s. This isn’t working. There are times when Now Me is best served when she is doing something for Future Me. This is well-established and we can keep doing some of those things. But Future Me, you don’t really want Now Me to be run ragged. There are times when you have to suck it up and take some of the load off of her. Future Me, you are not entitled to all of Now Me’s time and energy. And Now Me, you have to check in with yourself and see what you need. If you need to sit in the sun or drink your tea and watch the hummingbirds, then do that. It will be better for all of us.”
Maybe it’s not Future You who is being a bossy pants. Maybe, for you, it’s Past You who is pestering you about the stuff that has or hasn’t gone well before. Maybe Now You regularly centers herself to the detriment of Future You. And maybe your Yous are all working in concert. Whatever the You Relationship situation, it’s worth checking in with everybody on the regular to see if someone’s being overridden, bossy or bratty.
Don’t get me wrong. Now Me and Future Me are still very much connected. I still prep dinner in the morning so I’m less harried when I’m hungry. I still set up our Cho the night before because Now Me loves her a hot drink in the morning. But a few days ago, when an early summer thunderstorm rolled through? I sat on the porch for an hour while it flashed and rumbled and poured down. Now Me just sat there and watched even though there were still plenty of Mary Janes on the list.
Turns out, Future Me was just fine with that.
1 From the start, this strategy only worked so well. There was always something more to read in the evening, I still had to take college finals and Mondays at the office were always stressful.