Bullying is everywhere. Just look at the headlines. And make no mistake: even small acts of kindness can change its course.
I Wish They Had Just Loved Me Instead
“We know, when it comes to fat shaming and bullying, that this visceral [parental] desire to take away the harm [done to our children] can result in parents who cause more harm. Up to half of youth experience weight-based teasing from family members.” ~ Virginia Sole-Smith, Burnt Toast
As an awkward 8-year-old, I was a favorite target of two vile neighborhood brothers. They’d lure me in with the promise of inclusion and belonging only to (literally) throw sand in my face.
When the bullying brothers tore my backyard playhouse to the ground, my father stood up for me. He confronted them and required them to tell their parents what they’d done and apologize to me. I shudder to think of the punishment their father gave them (where they learned their ways, no doubt) but it didn’t stop them from being wretched pills for as long as I knew them.
Who hasn’t been the brunt of jokes and bullying at some point in their lives? It’s baked into the hyper-toxic masculinity of our culture. The only way you’ve escaped is if you’ve been the perpetrator. Even if you learned bullying from a parent, use bullying as self-protection, or if you bully with the intention of “toughening up” your kid, it never ever does anything but harm.
(AP Photo/Rick Bowmer, File)
Family of Bullied Utah Girl Who Died by Suicide Files Claim
“Tichenor's death in November 2021 sparked massive outcry and a groundswell of anger over youth suicide, bullying and the treatment of children with autism. … Tichenor, who was autistic and the only Black student in her class, was bullied by students who said she smelled, made fun of her skin color, eyebrows and used racist slurs against her.” ~ usnews.com
My nephew, Atticus, no stranger to being bullied himself, became a leader in his local chapter of Best Buddies: an organization dedicated to ending social, physical and economic isolation of the 200 million people worldwide with intellectual and developmental disabilities (IDD). Atticus participated in programs designed to empower the special abilities of people with IDD by helping them form meaningful friendships with their peers, secure successful jobs, live independently, improve public speaking, self-advocacy and communication skills, and feel valued by society.
I picked him up once from a Best Buddies food drive when he was in middle school. As I pulled up, I watched from the car as he collaborated with and included everyone in the process. No condescension, no patronizing, just kindness, encouragement, and inclusion.
(AP Photo/Steve Helber) (Steve Helber, Copyright 2022 The Associated Press.
A gifted football player who was always trying to make people around him happy died in the UVA shooting. These are the victims
“Devin was what you wanted in a young person that’s at this level but he was just a big kid,” [UVA head football coach Tony] Elliott said. “The thing I remember about him is he always brought a smile to my face, because he just was happy with where he was, comfortable in his skin, and had a very bubbly personality.” ~ 13newsnow.com
What We Know About the Suspect in the Deadly University of Virginia Shooting
“His father, Chris Jones Sr., [said] Some people were picking on him and Jones Jr. said he didn’t know how to handle it, the father told WTKR of a conversation they had a month ago when his son visited.” ~ cnn.com
The UVA and Charlottesville community is reeling after a shooting on November 13, 2022, that left 3 football players dead. As I teach, talk, and interact with people in town these past few days, I notice more gentleness, tenderness with each other. It is as if the horror of what happens reminds us how fragile and vulnerable everyone and everything is.
My friend and teacher, Joy Brown, in the Age of Becoming community observed that
“with every natural disaster local to me I've been involved with - hurricanes, floods, ice storms, tornadoes - it's like all of our differences completely fall away and everyone who is able is helping everyone in need. I don't understand why we can't do this ALL the time and remind myself constantly that kindness is magic.”
The repercussions of meanness, whatever the source or the cause, are devastating. When in doubt, do the kindest thing you can think of. If you can include someone, do (while holding healthy boundaries). It doesn’t matter how small the kindness is. It matters.
Credit: Justin Ide, Washington Post
“We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as were meant to be. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache … The absence of love and belonging will always lead to suffering.”
~ Brene Brown
Words by Ian Maclaren, Image by Susan (and available at Books & Art (susanmcculley.com))