I have ideas about how things should go and how long they should take. My ideas on these things are exceedingly clear. And my mind figures that the more I worry about these things, the more likely it is that they will go the way I want them to.
This week, we continue to practice with the theme for May, No Time to Rush and in particular, allowing things to unfold in the time they take…whatever that is.
Contrary to my plan, I cannot worry them into being.
I’ve been a worrier as long as I can remember. My sweet mom used to give me strands of smooth worry beads to carry in my pocket to help ease the squeeze of anxious thoughts. Once she gave me a flat smooth stone with a divot in the center for my thumb. I rubbed it so hard, I broke it in half.
Over the years, I’ve been able to catch myself worrying enough to question the habit. One of my yoga teachers shared the lovely bit of Rumi above that made my heart leap.
When I find myself niggling a worry, it helps me to cultivate a combination of stability and mobility. Together these sensations ground me and allow me to see more possibilities than the train wreck that I’m envisioning.
Poet Mary Oliver offers the wisdom of stability and mobility in her poem, I Worried.
I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?
Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?
Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.
Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?
Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.
If you’ve followed me at all, you know that my favorite app is Insight Timer, the free meditation app that offers a timer as well as thousands of guided meditations of all kinds. In particular for our focus this week, I like this Healing Vibrations meditation by davidji and this one about releasing worry from Lou Redmond and there are others about letting go of worry, too!
Instead of worrying — beads or stones or squeezie thoughts — find your ground and mobilize your perception of what is possible.