57-year-old Tofu Neck
Six years before her death when she was 65, Nora Ephron wrote I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts On Being A Woman.
When I read it at 42, I had mixed feelings about her funny, honest, wise observations on female aging. It felt reassuring and heartening in some ways and yet the truth of her experience tinged my reading with trepidation.
“How will I feel about my neck when I’m 65?”
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When I was 13, I went to a Mary Kay cosmetics party with a gaggle of my teen-aged girl friends. It was an unnervingly formative experience. The representative told us how important it was to take excellent care of our skin so it would age well. She emphasized that it was essential to apply moisturizer in upward sweeping movements.
Forty-four years later, I don’t use Mary Kay (or any cosmetics at all) but when I put jojoba oil on my face, I always sweep it up from neck to cheeks.
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They call it “turkey neck” which is such an offensive, patriarchal, misogynist slur that it makes me have to put my head down.
You could say it’s a joke. But nope. It’s more insidious than that.
When cultural bullcrap like this shows up, the question to ask is who benefits from it? Who benefits from women feeling bad about their necks, skin and bodies as they age?
We know the answer. Of course we do. It’s the global $52.5 billion anti-aging industry who benefits from our fear of aging.
And yet. Even though we know this, it’s the culture we have been born, raised and living in for decades. It’s not so easy to shake free of the feelings. I still sweep my jojoba oil up my neck.
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In this week before the Thanksgiving holiday in the US, I am having a great time prowling around for recipes and planning our meal. Ours will be a plant-powered Sidesgiving with no turkey (or any animal products) in sight. This counter-cultural creative challenge delights me no end.
No turkey neck for me.
Instead, as I sweep the jojoba oil along my neck, rather than hoping it makes my neck skin defy sun damage and gravity, I’m doing it with delight. My neck is soft, tender and silky. Like tofu. Silken tofu. Tofu neck.