After two weeks on the road with a broken foot, I am hungry for movement. My body is somehow simultaneously both antsy and logy. I find the class I want, hit PLAY and look at the teacher’s smiling, welcoming face on the screen.
She sets up the class, turns on the music and guides me through movement on the floor that I can do even in my comically heavy and over-sized boot. At the end, she invites me to spread out on the floor like a starfish. She says in a quiet voice,
“Sometimes, after an injury – especially if that injury included a fall – we can feel vulnerable in our bodies and in our movement. See if you can let your body release into the support that is always there: the ground beneath you. Let your body rest as if it was being held in the palm of a hand.”
My whole self softens at her words and I relax more than I have in two weeks.
She closes the class with a smile saying, “Breathe deep, friends. Shine bright. And show up.”
The teacher is me. Year and a half ago me. With a cast on her left foot teaching the Sky Dance non-weight bearing classes she developed during her recovery in the spring of 2021.
It’s a truly odd sensation, watching myself move, listening to myself talk. It feels disorienting, even surreal.
Have you ever listened to your own voicemail message or seen yourself in a home video? Have you ever asked, Do I really sound like that? Do I really look like that? Is that really me?
This morning, starfished on my office rug, letting the fear and frustration and hyper-vigilance drain out of me, I’m grateful for my own words and teaching. I am saying things I need to hear, reminding me of what in the stress of this recent injury, I’d forgotten.
For more than a decade, I went to a brilliant therapist. Most every week, I’d walk out of his office brimming with newfound clarity and only to realize that he hadn’t told me a single thing. His process was to let me find my own answers and insights. As much as I wanted him to tell me how to solve my problems, when I came to my own understandings, it was always more potent.
It was also a little shocking that I knew the answer all along.
We can all access our own inherent wisdom when we need it. If you happen to have a video of yourself teaching just the kind of class you need right now, by all means, queue it up! But if you don’t, there are still ways you can support yourself with your own knowing wisdom.
Connect with Your Inner Teacher
1. Ask and Answer Writing
Think of struggle or question you are grappling with. It can help to start with something that’s troubling but not traumatic, worrisome but not world-ending. With your dominant hand (the one you write with), write the question or conundrum on a piece of paper or notebook. With your non-dominant hand, write whatever comes up in answer to the question. If you have follow-up questions, write them again in your dominant hand and then answer in your non-dominant hand. Genius writer, Elizabeth Gilbert describes her version of this practice as Letters from Love. You can read a brief description here and listen to her talk about it here.
2. Friend / Child Guidance
When you’re struggling and especially if you are being harsh or unkind to yourself, ask yourself what you would tell a beloved friend or child if they were in the same circumstance. See if there isn’t wisdom and kindness that you were overlooking in your internal self-talk. Dr. Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion is a resource I turn to often when I need to rework my inner dialog.
3. Future Self / Ally Wisdom
Imagine yourself in wise old age or imagine a revered ally who you trust and admire. Either in writing or in your head, ask them for help. See what they say. If they don’t offer the support you need, look for another ally. You can find lots of Future Self guided meditations and one I like is this one by Sydney Axelrod.
We all need each other. In all of our lives, there will always be times when we need to go to an expert, a teacher, a counselor, a friend for help and support. And it is healthy and helpful to develop our own inner support system. Finding ways to connect with your own wisdom and knowing is a one of the ways we can get through the dark days.
This morning, after taking my own class and letting my 2021 Self teach my Now Self, I feel better. Lighter. Loved. It helped not just because it was movement that I needed but because it was me. Me loving on me. How do you love on you?