In Google Maps, you can just hit a button to "re-center." My mind is a different story.
On our big road trip this summer, Frank did the bulk of the driving. I was generally in charge of podcasts, music, snacks and navigation. Which takes some skills, let me tell you what.
For example, I often had both our ancient, not-always-accurate Garmin and Google Maps going at the same time. In Google Maps, you can drag the route to see what's ahead. When you've seen what you want to see, you can hit "re-center" to go back to where you actually are.
As an anxious person, I have a tendency to think about what may or may not happen in the future (borderline constantly). I also think about what I may or may not have messed up in the past (also mostly all the time). Both of these things can loop and loop in my head like a skipping record that increases in intensity every time around. It is sickening. And maddening.
When I get tangled and trapped in the intrusive thought loop, I want a button to push to "re-center" like Google Maps.
After years of struggle, particularly in recent months, I've found that it is possible to untangle from (or at least loosen the strangle hold of) relentless, obsessive, painful thoughts. It’s important to note that I am not a mental health or medical professional. These are strategies that are helpful to me. If you are struggling with intrusive or obsessive thoughts that are negatively impacting your life, please seek professional support.
5 Steps for Untangling from Intrusive Thoughts
These steps have been helpful to me and are inspired by Josh Korda's DharmaPunx podcast on this topic from May 13, 2024. They are my "re-center" button.
1. Acknowledge, even welcome the thought. Trying not to think the thought just backfires.
Dan Wegner’s Harvard Polar Bear study (with the genius title You Can’t Always Think What You Want) shows that the attempt to stop thinking about something increases cognitive load. In the study, he instructed participants not to think of a white bear. Try it right now: do not think about a polar bear. How’d that go? Pretty much everybody immediately thinks of what they are trying not to think. His research went on to show that the harder we try not to think a thought, the more persistent it becomes.
Not resisting the thought, accepting and even saying hello to the thought shifts its meaning. The research of Jeffrey Schwartz at UCLA suggests that using the 4 steps of Relabel, Reframe, Refocus and Revalue shifts our experience of persistent thoughts and urges and loosens their grip.
For those more poetically and less research-inclined, another way to understand this is Rumi’s poem, The Guest House which imagines all our thoughts and feelings as unexpected visitors.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
2. Expand awareness. Once acknowledged, it helps me to then expand my awareness in three ways.
2.1 Allow awareness to expand to the world around you. Maybe look out the window and see the sky. Give the thought more space.
2.2 Expand awareness to the sensation of the thought in your body. All thoughts and emotions have physical sensations. I notice what sensations come up when I’m thinking the thought. Maybe my heart feels tight or I feel a weight in my stomach. If I can feel a sensation, I then do something to soothe, soften or discharge the sensation. I might put my hand on my heart or breathe into my stomach or gently shake my whole body.
2.3 Expand your awareness to your body in general. Beyond the sensation of the thought, your body is always providing you information about your surroundings. Maybe I notice my butt on the chair, my feet on the floor, the temperature of my skin, or the clothes on my body. You can also take a tour of your five senses: feel your skin, listen to sound, smell whatever scents are nearby, look out the window, at colors or something natural, lick your lips and swallow.
3. Unhook the story. When I’m tangled in an intrusive thought, I also have a story about where it came from, what it means about me and/or where it is going to take me. There is nothing wrong with the story, but when the endless spiral of intrusive thoughts is spinning, the story is not the way to get out of the spin. Separate from the story and focus on the sensation. Watch what it does. Notice that it is not solid but always changing. If unhooking the story in my mind isn't working, I grab a pen and write out the whole stream of thoughts in long hand without editing. Better out than in!
4. Reflect on any other topic. Shift gears to another thought. Something rewarding, grounding, calming or delightful. I often imagine my cat in my lap or my nieces and nibling snuggled against me. In Dan Wegner’s study, he had folks think about a red Volkswagen. Whatever works for you. For extra support, I often tuck a blanket around me or a squeeze a pillow. Breathe and stay with the feeling of the replacement thought.
5. Go back to what helps. If (and when) the intrusive thought comes back, go back to any of the steps that feel most helpful. There is nothing magic about doing them in a particular order. See what works for you in different situations.
Intrusive thoughts can feel like something you don’t want being stuck on repeat in your own head. These 5 steps aren’t exactly as immediate as hitting the Re-Center button in Google Maps but help me let go of the tight hold they can have and allow me to direct my attention somewhere more helpful.
From the National Institute of Mental Health: f you’re unsure where to get help, a health care provider is an excellent place to start. They can refer you to a qualified mental health professional who has experience treating OCD and can evaluate your symptoms. You can learn more about getting help and finding a health care provider on the NIMH website. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration has an online treatment locator to help you find mental health services in your area.