On a Tuesday evening about a month before the presidential election, I get onto Zoom for a training on how to drive voters to the polls. I’ve been pretty much freaking out all day: worried and jittery about what is happening in our country.
My first surprise is that there are more than 200 people on this Zoom webinar. Two hundred people from all over the country on this random Tuesday night.
My second surprise is that the training is excellent. The trainers are clear, well organized, and systematic. They go slowly through the material and repeat things so we don’t get lost in the series of steps and forms and apps. After 45 minutes, I am all set up and know what to do next.
The third surprise is that they then offer breakout rooms for questions. They have rooms for questions about using the technology, being a dispatcher, and helping in other ways. I have something I’m wondering about, so I hopped into the General Questions room.
There were dozens and dozens of people waiting with their “Zoom hands” up. The trainer is kindly and clearly answering each one. I don’t even put my hand up for a while. I just watch this parade of people of all colors and ages. One is a 17-year-old who wants to drive people to the polls he can’t yet vote in. Many are folks from blue states who are traveling to Pennsylvania or Arizona or Georgia to drive voters. As I watch every face, listen to every voice, I get calmer.
As I calm down, I remember the adage, “Never worry alone.”
It’s a favorite reminder of Dan Harris, author of the book Ten Percent Happier and host of the podcast of the same name. He says,
“I first heard this expression from Dr. Robert Waldinger, who is in charge of … the Harvard Study of Adult Development. It’s the longest running research project in the history of science.
“For nearly 90 years, scientists have tracked several generations of families in the Boston area, with the goal of determining what are the factors that increase both lifespan and health span.
“Turns out, the most important variable is not sleep, exercise, or diet. It’s the quality of your relationships. Stress is what kills us, and relationships can help us mitigate stress.”
It’s not a huge shock to hear this advice from a mindfulness/self-help/meditation guy. But I’ve also heard it from a neurosurgeon. Neurosurgeons are notorious rocks of confidence and accomplishment, yet this amazing guy tells compelling stories about times when he has been overwrought with worry about a patient and calls a colleague. He steadfastly encourages us to reach out in these situations and never worry alone.
The more worried you are, the more important it is to reach out. (Photo: Rebecca George Photography)
Sometimes the internal experience of our anxieties drives us underground, has us pulling into ourselves. Perhaps counterintuitively, this is the exact time to pick up the phone or ask someone to walk or jump on a Zoom.
When you find yourself buckling under the weight of worry — whether it’s about the state of democracy or the prognosis of your patient — never worry alone. Even just on a regular Tuesday, instead of stewing or doomscrolling, find someone to help you carry it.