“I sailed my ship of safety ‘til I sank it.” ~ Indigo Girls, Closer to Fine
My husband Frank is 6’2.” His nickname is “Arms,” and we joke that he has an 8-foot wingspan. When he stands on the other side of a pickleball net, he looms. And when he reaches overhead to smash that little plastic ball back, it’s hard for me not to yelp, squeeze my eyes shut and jump out of the way. Let’s be honest, that’s usually what I do.
The body’s paradox is that the best way to defend against a Frank Smash is to relax.
The human body is full of paradox: press down to go up, press left to go right, more freedom comes from more groundedness…and relax for more power.
When faced with a Frank Smash, the more tightly I hold my paddle, the less control I have. The ball just ricochets off — usually into the net or over the fence. But if I hold the paddle loosely, some of the force of Frank’s Smash is absorbed, my wrist is more responsive, and I can more skillfully return it.
After years of moving with other bodies, I know that if someone comes in tense and rigid, they will have fewer movement options than someone who is relaxed and fluid. Their tension impacts both mind and muscle and leaves them with the bare minimum of ways to move.
As an advocate for embodiment, I have followed the work of writer, embodiment facilitator, political organizer, and therapist Prentis Hemphill, for years. They recently published a book: What It Takes to Heal: How Transforming Ourselves Can Change the World and I’m awaiting a copy (on hold at the library!) with anticipation. In an interview about the book on the We Can Do Hard Things podcast, they said
“One of my teachers says, ‘A relaxed body is the most powerful body that we have.’ …Because when we are relaxed, we can do almost anything. I can make any kind of move from a relaxed body. I have a lot of choices from a relaxed body. From a body that is tight, tense, or protective, has taken on a protective shell, there’s only a limited number of moves we can make from that body. We’ve already foreclosed certain options.”
Ah yes, there it is. You can armor up and protect yourself (and there are times when all of us have to do that). Just know that the price of protection is choice. Your options are far fewer when you are armored up.
You can feel this in your body right now. Squeeze your hand into a tight fist, as tight as you can make it. And then with that tightness, move your fist (and even your wrist and arm) around. You can move it, sure, but the range of movement and the variety of movement is incredibly narrow.
Now shake your hand out. Take a couple breaths and relax your hand. Now move your hand (and wrist and arm) around. Notice the huge range of motion you have now that you didn’t have when you were tight and protected. Notice the variety of movements you can do with your fingers, your palm, your whole hand.
The difference is striking, right?
My long-armed husband loves to smack a pickleball across the net and I have a whole collection of little round bruises to prove it. When he goes up with his paddle, my first reflex is to brace and protect against the incoming ball. But the more I breathe and relax, not only the less likely it is that the ball will hit me, but the more likely I can return it. I have more options for movement and more resources to make choices.
This is true in any sport, any physical experience, and any mental, emotional or relational experience: the more I can relax, the more power I have.
For Prentis Hemphill, when they teach embodiment and “...what it means to be awake in ourselves, living inside of ourselves, [it comes back to] that relaxed body.”
The next time you are in a situation when you find yourself gripping and tense, see if you can find a way to relax, even a little. Notice if it gives you more options, physically, mentally or emotionally. Instead of paying the price of choice for protection, see if you can tap into your body’s inherent relaxed power.