Months ago, a teacher generously gifted me an Affirmation Card Set created by Morgan Harper Nichols. It’s a beautiful set but to be honest, tarot cards and affirmations aren’t exactly my thing. I know some people love them and find them to be a helpful tool. For me, they often feel kind of random or treacle-y or cliché.
For a while the cards sat in their pretty box on my desk while I gave them the side eye.
In the past few months, I’ve been feeling simultaneously stuck and slipping. Living in this interim time of no longer and not yet is uncomfortable. I get itchy and impatient. I feel muted and misplaced. Empty and lost. Like there is a space in me and I don’t know what goes there...or even what was there before.
In the midst of this stuck and slipping time, I’ve taken to drawing one of the affirmations cards every week or so. Because, what the hell? Can’t hurt, might help. I don’t have any big ritual about it: I don’t light a candle or close my eyes or anything. Sometimes I pull one and roll my eyes and put it right back.
But sometimes? Sometimes, they are spot on. Last week, I pulled this one:
Time (to quote Steve Miller) keeps on slipping into the future. Life keeps moving. Even my stuck lost-ness is part of the flow of everything. Waiting in and being OK with interim time is not a static state. There are insights even in the dark. Perhaps particularly in the dark.
So I keep creating in the waiting. I’m trying new recipes (is broccolini baby broccoli? discuss.) and new ingredients (Broth Bombs!). I’m moving to new music. I’m doodling and making tiny pieces of art for people I love.
Creating in the waiting hasn’t miraculously fixed the stuck and slipping feeling. I haven’t found myself or filled the empty places. No ray of light has shone down from the clouds. No angels are singing.
Creating in the waiting encourages me to circle curiosity into this time. Creating in the waiting is a kind of self-care, a reassuring act that reminds me that I’m part of the flow and that everything changes. Creating in the waiting plants ideas and imaginings that might lead somewhere and might not.
This hasn’t turned me into a tarot card person. I still side eye the box most days. It has, however, reminded me to look for inspiration and support in unexpected places. Creating in the Waiting helps me stay in this in-between time with less resistance and more wonder.
* If you’re like me, you almost never click on the links in a piece. But this little Broth Bomb video is short and kind of hilarious. The links here and here are delicious, too!