“Dearest Fear, Creativity and I are about to go on a road trip together. I understand you’ll be joining us, because you always do. … There’s plenty of room in this vehicle for all of us, so make yourself at home, but … your suggestions will never be followed. You’re allowed to have a seat, and you’re allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a vote. You’re not allowed to touch the road maps; you’re not allowed to suggest detours; you’re not allowed to fiddle with the temperature. Dude, you’re not even allowed to touch the radio. But above all else, my dear old familiar friend, you are absolutely forbidden to drive.”
THE VEHICLE: You eat a big bowl of oatmeal and fruit sprinkled with nuts for breakfast.
FEAR DRIVING: You’re afraid you will get hungry before lunch.
VALUES DRIVING: You value your health, your body and feeling good.
We all make dozens, maybe hundreds of choices every day. Imagine each choice is like getting into a vehicle. One of the first things to check is to see who is driving.
THE VEHICLE: Before each meal, you say grace.
FEAR DRIVING: You’re afraid that not saying grace makes you a bad person.
VALUES DRIVING: You value gratitude and acknowledging the hands and energies that brought your meal to you.
You are likely to have a different kind of ride and perhaps end up in a different place, depending on if your teenager or your aging parent is driving. Sometimes, it’s important to say, “Yes, I know you can drive and not today.”
THE VEHICLE: You read to your kids before bed.
FEAR DRIVING: You’re afraid that if you don’t read to your kids, they will fall behind in school and you will be a bad parent.
VALUES DRIVING: You value sharing stories and connection with your littles.
From the outside, the choices are the same. You are eating the same breakfast, saying grace before meals, and reading to your kids. What’s different is that behind the wheel of every choice is what’s driving it. And what’s driving it will have everything to do with the experience you and those around you have.
We all have lots of motivations for the choices we make, and if we aren’t crystal clear about our values — as Liz Gilbert is about her value of creativity — fear will sneak in and take the wheel. Before making choices both large and small, how would it feel to ask yourself, “Who’s driving?”?
PS Check out my delicious conversation with coach, Nathalie Pincham about the impact of clarifying values on our work and our lives. And while you’re there, hop on the wait list for our upcoming Embodying Values Workshop. No cost or commitment. Just be the first to hear the details!
